Channel Todd Late Night News Edition

State of Emergency: Empty
My food bowl is almost empty, my food bowl is almost empty!!!!!

empty food bowl

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May I serve you?

Top Story in Business: Fine Dining
At the Longcroft Luxury Cat Motel in England, they have a fine dining restaurant for us finicky felines. They serve Salmon, Fresh Cod Steak, and Simply King Prawns, just to name a few of their menu items. They also have a Sunday Brunch that includes ham, free-range chicken and shrimp. While I must travel to Britain just to stay at this wondrous hotel, fine dining for cats isn’t left to just vacation time anymore. There’s a new trend out there to buy and feed cats (and dogs) gourmet meals. People all over the country are seeking out better foods for their pets, such as organic, all-natural, made in the US, and human-grade foods (and what do you mean you haven’t been feeding us human-grade foods this whole time). Humans will pay big bucks for these types of foods, as well, even while those same humans will resort to eating take-out, fast food, or pizza … again!

Add to that, that even us finicky cats – and yes, we are very finicky eaters, so keep on buying us that expensive food – even have our own restaurants that cater just to us (out with those human-only restaurants, in with the cat-only restaurants). One of the cat-only restaurants is called Duncan’s Fine Dining where they serve items such as Toona Tortellini, Fresh Nip Salad, and Pouncie Bread Man. finewineYou can even top it off with a fine wine such as the ’95 Chateau Domainecoon Majeur.

Furthermore, there are even celebrity chefs cooking for cats now, such as the famous Simon Rimmer. He’s a wonderful guy, working with top-notch veterinarians to cook up some fancy food that’s not only super tasty, but good for our sensitive digestive systems. As a bonus, I’ve included the video below where you can watch the wonderful Mr. Simon Rimmer cook up a tasty, gourmet dinner for  cats. So please watch, enjoy, and cook on, humans. Cook on! 

Top Story in Style: Cat-Fashionable Humans

fashionWe love this shirt. Sleek, colorful and fashionably fitted, it can look good on a number of different body types or in any type of laundry basket (our favorite place for shirts are those laundry baskets that have just been loaded up from a nice, warm dryer). This top is called the Festival Cats Top and can be found on the Animal Rescue site for the low price of $28.95. Us cats will enjoy seeing you humans in this shirt as much as you’ll enjoy wearing it.

Top Story in Health: How Cats can Benefit Humans
Check this out! Cats can help heal humans. While that comes as no surprise to us kitties, you humans may not know all of this. So, as the flu season winds down, remember to keep us kitties nearby to help keep you healthy and happy!
catfacts

Now for your commercial break
 

Top Story in Entertainment: Comic Break
It’s snowy out there … at least in some parts of the country (ok, maybe all parts of the country except California). So let this comic warm you up.
comic

Top Story in Sports: Kitten Bowl vs. Puppy Bowl
We’re excited for February 2nd. It’s going to be a big game out there. We’re pulling for our favorite team to win – The Great and Mighty Kittens!!!! Yay. Who’s going to help me root them on?? Everyone??? Ok!!! Game night, big party at my house. Don’t forget to bring your own catnip, milk and tuna. If you bring extra for me and the boys, we’ll give you a front row seat during game time!


Top Story in Opinion: I used to be a Fire Hazard
BeFunky_todders.jpgI used to live in a studio apartment in Alameda, Ca. It was on the top floor of a secure, 3-story building that had been built in the 1920s. It was a fabulous apartment, mostly because I knew how to get the door open as long as it wasn’t locked. Eventually, I even figured out how to undo the lock, so mom started using the chain when she was home, always worrying that I’d still be able to get the door open enough to squeak out. So, she started placing piles of stuff in front of the door, thinking I’d never be able to get the door open. And it worked.

But when she was gone, at work, I’d still work at getting that door open. One day, mom came home to find the door ajar, thinking that somehow, someone had gotten into the building and broken into the apartment. When I came running up the stairs after her to welcome her home, she frowned at me, but was whole-heartedly relieved to know we hadn’t actually been robbed. And then told me that under no circumstance was I supposed to open the door for strangers. So when she locked herself out of the building a month later, I refused to let her in, telling her there was no way I could have known it was her. Payback’s an empty food bowl, mom!

Thank you for reading! Have a good night!

2009’s Worse Inventions

Please, please, please, if you’re going to invent a snuggy for cats, make sure it looks like clean laundry (or dirty laundry, it doesn’t matter really) or a freshly made bed (or not, that doesn’t really matter either) or your pillow. Because those are the only types of snuggies dignified kitties will “wear”.